Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Things Have Been Better

I knew we shouldn't have grabbed this little bastard.

I knew it.

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

motherfuckers.

And no, he hasn't turned on us yet.  You know what happened?  Can you guess?

Someone from his stupid former organization came by and tried to kill us all.

and you know what?

PETE WAS FUCKING USELESS THE ENTIRE TIME

goddamn it

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

except maybe as a distraction but that's it

I mean, this wasn't going to be easy.  We probably are going to have to kill a proxy, like the time Jeanette freed those slendertots.  But we also have a shotgun.

But now I Am The Walrus is coming after us.

Because TARA INSISTS ON DRAGGING THIS GODDAMN ALBATROSS AROUND WITH US EVERYWHERE WE FUCKING GO BECAUSE SHE FEELS SORRY FOR HIM

and i'm sure it has nothing to do with that fact that he's the first thing that's ever flirted with her

YES I AM INSINUATING YOU ARE UGLY AND DESPERATE I HOPE YOU READ THIS LATER AND ARE SUITABLY BURNED

goddamn it she has me typing like gamzee what the fuck

ANYWAY

we were lounging around our hotel room going over what we know about the situation already--which basically amounts to nothing because let's face it, the lovers is not going to let us know where he is until he wants us to find him

AND THEN THIS ASSHOLE BREAKS IN

who i am informed looked younger than tara and was wearing a black hoodie and had red hair

jesus redheads are the bane of my existence

and he had a gun.  i know this first hand.

and by broke in, i mean

JESUS CHRIST HE BURST THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE THE FUCKING KOOL-AID MAN

christ that was a shitty motel

what were those doors made of

FUCKING TOOTHPICKS?

i'm sorry

my head isn't working right right now

hard time thinking

but fuck you

i'm  not editing this

SO ANYWAY THIS DOUCHEBAG IN A HOODIE COMES IN

he tells us to freeze, and he has this charming, boisterous voice.  energetic.  outgoing.

which was undercut by the fact that  i could tell he was going to kill us.

but of course he needed to get his 'reason you suck' speech to petey first

because as long as we have the villain checklist we might as well hit every point on it

but, you know, to make sure we are listening

he shot me.

just in the leg, and it's mostly superficial, now that it's bandaged.  i'm sure he thought shooting the blind girl was funny.  or maybe he didn't realize.

it is kind of funny though

either way.  it hurt.  it still hurts.

insert a solid paragraph of 'it hurts' here.

"Hey, Peter."  He said, and I could hear the broad grin on his face.  Trying to make it sound like this was planned, speech and everything, when you could tell he was making it all up as he went.  "How's life been?  Because honestly, it hasn't been so good for us!  Not that you'd know, running off and fucking things up like you did."  I heard him walk across the floor to him.  The bed squeaked, and I think Tara tried something, but then I heard her get hit hard and fall to the floor.  "Ohoho, spirited little girlfriend you have there, Pete.  Might have to do something about that later.  But anyway, back to the matter at hand.

"You know, I can respect running off.  I can, really.  But respect only gets you so far.  You should have just quit when we told you to.  But no, you're too stupid.  Well, Pete?  Does your grandfather's legacy really seem worth it right now?  Do you still want to be the hero?  I wonder what he'd say, if he saw you now."

Peter mumbled something, and even I didn't hear it and I have the overcompensating senses thing going on.  But I'm pretty sure it was something about not caring about what his grandfather would say.  Only crazy and not as coherent.  Then again, I was bleeding heavily so I could be wrong.  You can forgive me for not hearing every little thing.

AND IF YOU CAN'T THEN FUCK YOU

and then oh jesus i'm doing the gamzee again

FUCK IT I'M STILL NOT EDITING THIS

i need more bourbon

TARA MORE BOURBON oh wait i need to say they out loud

I also wasn't listening that well anyway, because I was looking for the shotgun.  By looks I mean groping around for it because goddamnit i miss my eyes

It turns out that Tara found it first.

Poor little ram.  Kept his head pointed forward.  All attention on Rivers.  Discounted me and Miss Useless.

"I don't want to use this."  I heard her say in her toughest voice.

"You won't."  He didn't stop being charming and energetic...but there was a cold certainty to his voice.

"I will if I have to.  Get out.  Now."

"Oh Jesus Tara grow some ovaries and shoot him he already shot me."

"You're going to leave.  Now."  I almost believed her when she spoke.

"Alright!"  he said.  i don't think he even cared she had the gun.  i don't think she mattered.  i think he knew she'd let him get away.  "You've twisted my arm.  You know, I like you.  You really should be shooting me now, though.  But I guess I'll leave you all for now.  Not like I won't find you again.  Be seeing you all really soon."

and then he left.  probably to get some distance for another charge.  no point in shooting anymore.  no point in taking hostages.  if tara is our last line of defense, he knows he'll win next time.

AND SHE NEVER SHOT HIM

peter and i agree she should have

I MEAN JESUS TARA I'M AGREEING WITH PETER AND I HATE HIM

though i mean it's not a genuine hate.  just kind of on principle.

BUT STILL

but i mean

tara still has her murdercherry

and probably the regular one

I'M CALLING YOU UGLY AGAIN TARA

and i guess she's not ready yet

but next time, if aries comes back

and you have that chance

and you don't take it

he'll kill us all

if he doesn't just start off killing us next time right when he gets the chance

AFTER ALL

he's already given his speech to peter.

i guess it depends on how the mood strikes him at the moment.

fucking aries.

anyways

i'm going to black out

this place we're squatting in is drafty

and i've had too much bourbon

i'd try to sleep with one eye open

but i don't have any to spare

so you'll have to, tara

or better yet

DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES.

DON'T FALL ASLEEP.

DON'T YOU DARE REST YOUR HEAD.

2 comments:

  1. Tara. You read that damn blog of his I linked you to right? The one where he said HIS FLIRTYNESS IS PART OF HIS MOTHERFUCKING EVIL SIDE?

    Well, his eviler side. Petey boy was a son-of-bitch before he came down with a bad case of serving his evil masters.

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  2. Don't forget the obnoxious brat that knew too much. That was definitely a HUGE part of his personality.

    Also, he was a flirt before he turned. I know this well.

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