Sunday, November 25, 2012

mary mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow

I just found out today that this nursery rhyme might be about miscarriage.  That's hilarious.

Anyway, the Lovers paid us a visit on Thanksgiving.  If I'd have known he was coming, we would have gotten him some terrible Chinese food too.

The others are arguing about what he wants, but I know what he wants.  I always know what he wants.  He wants us to hurry up.  The Death of Hope (lol), or the Oblivion Maw(lol), or whatever dumb melodramatic name these losers are calling it, needs to be taken care of and soon.  The others are being all "but Penny, we don't know how to fight a thing like that"  and it's like "Yeah idiot he doesn't care".

When the Lovers decides to hurt one of us because we haven't made any progress yet, these dumbdumbs better not come crying to me, because I'll be too busy playing my tiny violin to care.

In other news, I guess we can probably start talking about Summerborn now, but I'm not going to, because Jeanette cares way more about telling you people things than I do.

Later, jerks.

Friday, November 23, 2012

happy holidays

explanations will have to wait until after we've dealt with the cornucopia full of rose petals and forget-me-nots we found on our table on thanksgiving.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Your Attention Please

This is a serious fucking occasion, people.

Like, somber music and everything.

Or, failing that, Seven Devils.

I'm here to announce something important.

Something earth-fucking-shattering.

I hereby grant the Page of Cups, my sister, Alice Mason, Chelsea Balisong, a new title.

She is now the Queen of Motherfucking Wands (Motherfucking optional)

Now give her a standing ovation, plebeians.

There's a new queen on the block.

Also haha, Ten doesn't get a promotion.

You will.

In time.

You all are lucky you have someone on hand who can make these sorta calls.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Actual Transcript

Jeanette approaches Penny with a bourbon and hamburger.
Jeanette:  I've been looking all over for you.  Where the fuck have you been?
Penny:  Burger.  Give.
Jeanette sighs, hands Penny the burger.
Penny hungrily devours burger.
Jeanette:  Okay, now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?
Penny:  Do you know why I wanted a burger?
Jeanette:  Because you were hungry?
Penny:  Because I've been eating dandelion greens for five months.
Jeanette:  What do you--
Penny:  The thing in King's head didn't take me.
Penny:  I've been in communion.
A long pause as Penny finishes the sandwich.  She pats the floor  next to her.
Penny:  You'd better sit down.  You don't want to be standing for this.
Jeanette sits next to Penny.  There's another long pause.
Jeanette:  So you've been with...Smiley.  This entire time.
Penny says nothing.
Jeanette:  Christ, Alison.
Penny:  Yeah.
Jeanette can now see scars and cuts on Penny's exposed skin.  She notices how Penny is rocking back and forth.  How she smells like pollen and grass and blood.  Penny is now holding Jeanette's hand tightly, like she expects to be dragged off at any moment.  Like she needs an anchor to hold her in place.
They don't say anything for a long time.  Penny continues to hold Jeanette's hand.  She continues to rock back and forth.
Penny:  You know, sometimes he took me along.
Penny:  He made me hold them down.  I couldn't see them, but they were pleading, pleading and I tried to ignore them, I tried so hard to just ignore them.
Jeanette hands Penny the bourbon.
Penny:  Danke.
They're quiet for a bit longer.
Penny:  ...we're going to have to kill the thing in king's head. 
Jeanette:   ...I was kind of figuring we would.
Penny:  He wants us to.  The Lovers.
Jeanette:  Even if it didn't...
Penny:  Yeah.
Penny is sobbing, but not crying.  She can't cry.
Jeanette:  Jesus, Penny.  I'm sorry.
Penny:  I know.
Jeanette very awkwardly hugs Penny.  Penny clings to Jeanette.  She's shaking.
Jeanette holds Penny for a very long time.
Penny:  This is where you punch me, you know.
Jeanette:  What are you talking about?
Penny:  Your dream.  We're here.  We're talking.  Ms. Punchable, remember?
Jeanette: ...Fuck.  You're right.
Penny pulls away.  She braces herself.
Penny:  So punch me.
Jeanette:  What?!  No!
Penny:  Punch me!  Come on!
Jeanette:  I am not punching you you freak.
Penny:  Do it!  You know you want to!
Jeanette:  No!  Fuck off!
Penny starts poking Jeanette repeatedly.
Penny:  Come on, are you scared?!  Punch  me!
Jeanette:  No!
Penny:  Punchmepunchmepunchmepunchme
Jeanette punches Penny.
Penny recoils, blood trickling from her mouth.
Jeanette:  Jesus, Penny!  I'm sorry, I just...are you...
Penny:  I love you.
Jeanette: ...what?
Penny:  I love you.  I can't love.  I can't love anything else.  But I love you.
Jeanette:  What...what are you...
Penny:  We don't all survive.  Going after this thing.  Some of us are going to die.  And I wanted to tell you.  Before...before things start to get bad.
Jeanette:  Penny...I...
Penny:  Just hold me.  I don't care if you don't back.  Just hold me.
Jeanette holds Penny for hours.  Penny sobs almost the entire time.

Penny's Awesome Transcript (DO NOT STEAL)

Jeanette approaches Penny with a bourbon and hamburger.
Jeanette:  I've been looking all over for you.  Where the fuck have you been?
Penny:  Burger.  Give.
Jeanette sighs, hands Penny the burger.
Penny hungrily devours burger.
Jeanette:  Okay, now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?
Penny:  Do you know why I wanted a burger?
Jeanette:  Because you were hungry?
Penny:  No, smartass, because I WAS GETTIN' STONED
Penny starts passing out doobies and they both start smokin' like three joints at once.
Jeanette:  FUCK YES.
Penny:  Jeanette you are like my Karkat.  I love you but you spend all your time fucking John like in my sister's terrible fanfiction so I have to have sex with Strider like all the time.
They have super hot sex right there in the mall.  It is so hot, oh my god, you guys.
Penny:  Oh no!  Our super hot sex did not fix our problems!  We are still completely screwed by these soldiers and monsters and shit.
Jeanette:  Fuck we have to do something!
I-330 and the Doctor appear from a TARDIS with Captain Jack (Harkness and Sparrow)
The Doctor:  Penny, we are all super hot time  travelers!
I-330:  We can save everyone if we all have a massive orgy!
Jeanette and Penny:  FUCK YES
Everyone has a massive orgy.  It is so super hot.  It is so sexy, it destroys all the monsters in the universe including Smiley and Slendy and Grendel and the Daleks and saves Rose Tyler and Lisa Wells and Ianto Welshlastname and whoever Catherine Tate played fuck I always forget that Companion's name.  The orgy is so amazing that the Doctor regenerates into TWO MATT SMITHS AND TWO DAVID TENNANTS and a Jon Pertwee for Tara because she's a freak.
Penny:  Oh wow!  We are all pregnant!  (EVEN THE MEN)  And Lisa and Gwen Welshlastname and Sara-Jane Smith and Ace and K-9 are the babies!  Somehow!
Jeanette:  Fuck, now we have to get married!
And then everyone went to Babylon 5 and G'kar reads everyone their vows and everyone's there and has another massive orgy and the Luggage joins in while Rincewind watches and strokes his beard. (AMONG OTHER THINGS LOL)
And everyone was happy forever.
And no one had to die.

Because I'm not just writing this because it's silly and terrible.

I'm writing it because I wanted to write something where none of us has to die.

Because in the moment he took my sight, the Lovers showed me so many things.

And He showed me how this ends.

And we're not all going to make it.

I'll get the actual transcript up soon.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

what day is it

how much are you willing to give

how much are you willing to sacrifice

who are you willing to sacrifice

who's it gonna be, jeanette?

it's you and me, babe

in this together

you and me.

sisters in arms

(sisters in law?)

it doesn't matter

you got my last clue

or rather some dumb college student got it for you

it doesn't matter

no clues this time

tara's going to be where i began

i'm going to be at a station heading west

you don't have long to get to both of us

time to split up

you know who goes where

we've been dreaming about this, after all

see you soon

or rather, not

Sunday, April 8, 2012

what time is it

time to ride in a circle with the navy if you'da seen it you woulda done the same

Saturday, March 10, 2012


I think I'm losing my mind.

Well, not losing.  Losing implies a process.  I think I'm already crazy.  If the trifurcated posts weren't evidence enough.

I killed someone today.  I think it was a proxy.  I'm not sure.  I didn't know I could say that so casually.  I was always kind of the coward of the group.  Never killed anyone.  Never "popped my murdercherry" like Alison used to call it.  She used to chide me for it but I think she was relieved I hadn't.  Afraid I would.  Afraid death would be so easy for me if I started, like it was so easy for her.

Where are you, Alison?  Where's Jeanette?  Where did everyone go?

I don't know if it even matters anymore.  We were doing so well but it really didn't  matter in the end.

I would kill that stupid fucking boy if he was still alive.  But he's not.  And that's why we're all fucking doomed.  As if Smiley wasn't fucking bad enough.

That doesn't matter, though.  As long as I keep killing, keep surviving, it doesn't matter.

Maybe it's weak.  It's been sealed away long enough.  Maybe...maybe it's weak enough.

It's what Jeanette would do.  Shooting a primal force of terror in the face?  Just another day being her.

I miss her so much.  I didn't realize how much I

It doesn't matter.  I'm rambling.  Don't know how the others made blogging look so goddamn easy.

Bottom line:  I'm crazy.  Killed a proxy.  Might have to kill a god.

Friday, March 9, 2012


I know exactly why all this happened.

Everything was going wrong.

And now, we're all saved.

Everything's gone so horribly right.

We won.

Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, candydrops.

I know exactly where I am. They're all alone now, but I'm right here.

They miss me. They wish I'd come back. They wish I could find them.

But they can't. I'm gone.

I'm not here, and they are alone.

Thursday, March 8, 2012


Ten of Wands:  You’re sure they’re here?

Ten of Wands:  So why the fuck are we here?

Ten of Wands:  Yeah.  Maybe.

Ten of Wands:  I wasn’t.

Ten of Wands:  How many eyes?

Ten of Wands:  How many eyes does she have?

Ten of Wands:  I wasn’t going to say anything.

Ten of Wands:  Okay, sure.  He would leave a note or something.  I’m not arguing this anymore, Knight.

Ten of Wands:  This really isn’t the right time to talk about this.  We’ll talk about it later.
Ten of Wands:  Hmph.  Looks like the sister.  Is she...?

Ten of Wands:  How many eyes?

Ten of Wands:  Does  that sound like what I fucking asked?  How many eyes do they have?  Three, two, or one?

Ten of Wands:  You’re supposed to do what I tell you to.  Or do we need to have a talk with Ace?

Ten of Wands:  The Queen of Swords.  What does the other one look like?

Ten of Wands:  Black or brown?

Ten of Wands:  Knight, look!  Fuck! that what...?

Ten of Wands:  I’m not leaving you here.  We all run.

Ten of Wands:  I appreciate the heroics but do you really think you’re gonna slow that thing down?

Ten of Wands:  Come on, move!

And the rest is silence.

I'm not Penny either.

Friday, January 20, 2012


Queen Takes King

q --> k




Operation "One Night in Bangkok" is a success.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

but i'm a creep

what the hell am i doing here?

i don't belong here.

this is not an important post

q qnp