Sunday, November 25, 2012

mary mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow

I just found out today that this nursery rhyme might be about miscarriage.  That's hilarious.

Anyway, the Lovers paid us a visit on Thanksgiving.  If I'd have known he was coming, we would have gotten him some terrible Chinese food too.

The others are arguing about what he wants, but I know what he wants.  I always know what he wants.  He wants us to hurry up.  The Death of Hope (lol), or the Oblivion Maw(lol), or whatever dumb melodramatic name these losers are calling it, needs to be taken care of and soon.  The others are being all "but Penny, we don't know how to fight a thing like that"  and it's like "Yeah idiot he doesn't care".

When the Lovers decides to hurt one of us because we haven't made any progress yet, these dumbdumbs better not come crying to me, because I'll be too busy playing my tiny violin to care.

In other news, I guess we can probably start talking about Summerborn now, but I'm not going to, because Jeanette cares way more about telling you people things than I do.

Later, jerks.

Friday, November 23, 2012

happy holidays

explanations will have to wait until after we've dealt with the cornucopia full of rose petals and forget-me-nots we found on our table on thanksgiving.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Your Attention Please

This is a serious fucking occasion, people.

Like, somber music and everything.

Or, failing that, Seven Devils.

I'm here to announce something important.

Something earth-fucking-shattering.

I hereby grant the Page of Cups, my sister, Alice Mason, Chelsea Balisong, a new title.

She is now the Queen of Motherfucking Wands (Motherfucking optional)

Now give her a standing ovation, plebeians.

There's a new queen on the block.

Also haha, Ten doesn't get a promotion.

You will.

In time.

You all are lucky you have someone on hand who can make these sorta calls.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Actual Transcript

Jeanette approaches Penny with a bourbon and hamburger.
Jeanette:  I've been looking all over for you.  Where the fuck have you been?
Penny:  Burger.  Give.
Jeanette sighs, hands Penny the burger.
Penny hungrily devours burger.
Jeanette:  Okay, now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?
Penny:  Do you know why I wanted a burger?
Jeanette:  Because you were hungry?
Penny:  Because I've been eating dandelion greens for five months.
Jeanette:  What do you--
Penny:  The thing in King's head didn't take me.
Penny:  I've been in communion.
A long pause as Penny finishes the sandwich.  She pats the floor  next to her.
Penny:  You'd better sit down.  You don't want to be standing for this.
Jeanette sits next to Penny.  There's another long pause.
Jeanette:  So you've been with...Smiley.  This entire time.
Penny says nothing.
Jeanette:  Christ, Alison.
Penny:  Yeah.
Jeanette can now see scars and cuts on Penny's exposed skin.  She notices how Penny is rocking back and forth.  How she smells like pollen and grass and blood.  Penny is now holding Jeanette's hand tightly, like she expects to be dragged off at any moment.  Like she needs an anchor to hold her in place.
They don't say anything for a long time.  Penny continues to hold Jeanette's hand.  She continues to rock back and forth.
Penny:  You know, sometimes he took me along.
Penny:  He made me hold them down.  I couldn't see them, but they were pleading, pleading and I tried to ignore them, I tried so hard to just ignore them.
Jeanette hands Penny the bourbon.
Penny:  Danke.
They're quiet for a bit longer.
Penny:  ...we're going to have to kill the thing in king's head. 
Jeanette:   ...I was kind of figuring we would.
Penny:  He wants us to.  The Lovers.
Jeanette:  Even if it didn't...
Penny:  Yeah.
Penny is sobbing, but not crying.  She can't cry.
Jeanette:  Jesus, Penny.  I'm sorry.
Penny:  I know.
Jeanette very awkwardly hugs Penny.  Penny clings to Jeanette.  She's shaking.
Jeanette holds Penny for a very long time.
Penny:  This is where you punch me, you know.
Jeanette:  What are you talking about?
Penny:  Your dream.  We're here.  We're talking.  Ms. Punchable, remember?
Jeanette: ...Fuck.  You're right.
Penny pulls away.  She braces herself.
Penny:  So punch me.
Jeanette:  What?!  No!
Penny:  Punch me!  Come on!
Jeanette:  I am not punching you you freak.
Penny:  Do it!  You know you want to!
Jeanette:  No!  Fuck off!
Penny starts poking Jeanette repeatedly.
Penny:  Come on, are you scared?!  Punch  me!
Jeanette:  No!
Penny:  Punchmepunchmepunchmepunchme
Jeanette punches Penny.
Penny recoils, blood trickling from her mouth.
Jeanette:  Jesus, Penny!  I'm sorry, I just...are you...
Penny:  I love you.
Jeanette: ...what?
Penny:  I love you.  I can't love.  I can't love anything else.  But I love you.
Jeanette:  What...what are you...
Penny:  We don't all survive.  Going after this thing.  Some of us are going to die.  And I wanted to tell you.  Before...before things start to get bad.
Jeanette:  Penny...I...
Penny:  Just hold me.  I don't care if you don't back.  Just hold me.
Jeanette holds Penny for hours.  Penny sobs almost the entire time.

Penny's Awesome Transcript (DO NOT STEAL)

Jeanette approaches Penny with a bourbon and hamburger.
Jeanette:  I've been looking all over for you.  Where the fuck have you been?
Penny:  Burger.  Give.
Jeanette sighs, hands Penny the burger.
Penny hungrily devours burger.
Jeanette:  Okay, now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?
Penny:  Do you know why I wanted a burger?
Jeanette:  Because you were hungry?
Penny:  No, smartass, because I WAS GETTIN' STONED
Penny starts passing out doobies and they both start smokin' like three joints at once.
Jeanette:  FUCK YES.
Penny:  Jeanette you are like my Karkat.  I love you but you spend all your time fucking John like in my sister's terrible fanfiction so I have to have sex with Strider like all the time.
They have super hot sex right there in the mall.  It is so hot, oh my god, you guys.
Penny:  Oh no!  Our super hot sex did not fix our problems!  We are still completely screwed by these soldiers and monsters and shit.
Jeanette:  Fuck we have to do something!
I-330 and the Doctor appear from a TARDIS with Captain Jack (Harkness and Sparrow)
The Doctor:  Penny, we are all super hot time  travelers!
I-330:  We can save everyone if we all have a massive orgy!
Jeanette and Penny:  FUCK YES
Everyone has a massive orgy.  It is so super hot.  It is so sexy, it destroys all the monsters in the universe including Smiley and Slendy and Grendel and the Daleks and saves Rose Tyler and Lisa Wells and Ianto Welshlastname and whoever Catherine Tate played fuck I always forget that Companion's name.  The orgy is so amazing that the Doctor regenerates into TWO MATT SMITHS AND TWO DAVID TENNANTS and a Jon Pertwee for Tara because she's a freak.
Penny:  Oh wow!  We are all pregnant!  (EVEN THE MEN)  And Lisa and Gwen Welshlastname and Sara-Jane Smith and Ace and K-9 are the babies!  Somehow!
Jeanette:  Fuck, now we have to get married!
And then everyone went to Babylon 5 and G'kar reads everyone their vows and everyone's there and has another massive orgy and the Luggage joins in while Rincewind watches and strokes his beard. (AMONG OTHER THINGS LOL)
And everyone was happy forever.
And no one had to die.

Because I'm not just writing this because it's silly and terrible.

I'm writing it because I wanted to write something where none of us has to die.

Because in the moment he took my sight, the Lovers showed me so many things.

And He showed me how this ends.

And we're not all going to make it.

I'll get the actual transcript up soon.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

what day is it

how much are you willing to give

how much are you willing to sacrifice

who are you willing to sacrifice

who's it gonna be, jeanette?

it's you and me, babe

in this together

you and me.

sisters in arms

(sisters in law?)

it doesn't matter

you got my last clue

or rather some dumb college student got it for you

it doesn't matter

no clues this time

tara's going to be where i began

i'm going to be at a station heading west

you don't have long to get to both of us

time to split up

you know who goes where

we've been dreaming about this, after all

see you soon

or rather, not

Sunday, April 8, 2012

what time is it

time to ride in a circle with the navy if you'da seen it you woulda done the same