Thursday, October 27, 2011


hate cemeteries.

hate walking around all night looking for something that isn't there.

also hate Timberwolves, because they were at the cemetery and we had to hide from them.

hate Pete Rivers's  useless ass.

hate how he can't do anything because his two personalities are fighting each other too much.

hate how

'm almost sympathizing with him, because

feel the less lucid side getting hold.

'm not sure how much longer

can hold out either.

've been holding out so well, too.  But every dam must eventually break.  Chaos is the ultimate force in the universe, regardless of what every wannabe dictator has told you.  Eventually everything breaks down.  My sanity is a comforting wall, keeping Him out, because he looked into my eyes and

saw everything.  In that brief moment, it was all clear to me.  But that wrongness, that terrible light in His gaze Burned a part of me away, and not just my eyes.  Some important part of me went with them.

can't stand it.  Knowing

'm not whole anymore.  A piece of me is gone and

don't even remember what it was anymore.  Was it important?  Was it pure?  Maybe it was my love.  Maybe all

feel now is an obligation to Chelsea.  My precious sister.   But maybe

never felt love the same way everyone else did, either.

understand it objectively, but there's some subjective part of it that eludes me.

can't express it the way

should.  The way normal people do.

There was a guy, in the message board.  His name was Will,


knew him as WTRainbow.  We kind of had a thing but

abandoned him after the Lovers promoted me to Queen.

should have kept contact.  Not sure if

loved him.  It was a stupid internet romance.  But he cared for me and

just left.  No goodbye, no explanation.

A bit of my humanity is gone.  Is it gone for you, Jeanette?  Do you feel it?  Something in your heart, twisted and cut free like your eye was?  Like that pit in the center of the asterisk you call an eye socket is more than just in your flesh?

wish we could talk more.

guess we do someday, don't we?  We've seen the same visions, after all.

should sleep some.  Better sleep with one


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