mary mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow

I just found out today that this nursery rhyme might be about miscarriage.  That's hilarious.

Anyway, the Lovers paid us a visit on Thanksgiving.  If I'd have known he was coming, we would have gotten him some terrible Chinese food too.

The others are arguing about what he wants, but I know what he wants.  I always know what he wants.  He wants us to hurry up.  The Death of Hope (lol), or the Oblivion Maw(lol), or whatever dumb melodramatic name these losers are calling it, needs to be taken care of and soon.  The others are being all "but Penny, we don't know how to fight a thing like that"  and it's like "Yeah idiot he doesn't care".

When the Lovers decides to hurt one of us because we haven't made any progress yet, these dumbdumbs better not come crying to me, because I'll be too busy playing my tiny violin to care.

In other news, I guess we can probably start talking about Summerborn now, but I'm not going to, because Jeanette cares way more about telling you people things than I do.

Later, jerks.

Penny's Awesome Transcript (DO NOT STEAL)

Jeanette approaches Penny with a bourbon and hamburger.
Jeanette:  I've been looking all over for you.  Where the fuck have you been?
Penny:  Burger.  Give.
Jeanette sighs, hands Penny the burger.
Penny hungrily devours burger.
Jeanette:  Okay, now will you tell me what the fuck is going on?
Penny:  Do you know why I wanted a burger?
Jeanette:  Because you were hungry?
Penny:  No, smartass, because I WAS GETTIN' STONED
Penny starts passing out doobies and they both start smokin' like three joints at once.
Jeanette:  FUCK YES.
Penny:  Jeanette you are like my Karkat.  I love you but you spend all your time fucking John like in my sister's terrible fanfiction so I have to have sex with Strider like all the time.
Jeanette:  FUCK BE MY TEREZI PENNY
They have super hot sex right there in the mall.  It is so hot, oh my god, you guys.
Penny:  Oh no!  Our super hot sex did not fix our problems!  We are still completely screwed by these soldiers and monsters and shit.
Jeanette:  Fuck we have to do something!
I-330 and the Doctor appear from a TARDIS with Captain Jack (Harkness and Sparrow)
The Doctor:  Penny, we are all super hot time  travelers!
I-330:  We can save everyone if we all have a massive orgy!
Jeanette and Penny:  FUCK YES
Everyone has a massive orgy.  It is so super hot.  It is so sexy, it destroys all the monsters in the universe including Smiley and Slendy and Grendel and the Daleks and saves Rose Tyler and Lisa Wells and Ianto Welshlastname and whoever Catherine Tate played fuck I always forget that Companion's name.  The orgy is so amazing that the Doctor regenerates into TWO MATT SMITHS AND TWO DAVID TENNANTS and a Jon Pertwee for Tara because she's a freak.
Penny:  Oh wow!  We are all pregnant!  (EVEN THE MEN)  And Lisa and Gwen Welshlastname and Sara-Jane Smith and Ace and K-9 are the babies!  Somehow!
Jeanette:  Fuck, now we have to get married!
And then everyone went to Babylon 5 and G'kar reads everyone their vows and everyone's there and has another massive orgy and the Luggage joins in while Rincewind watches and strokes his beard. (AMONG OTHER THINGS LOL)
And everyone was happy forever.
And no one had to die.




Because I'm not just writing this because it's silly and terrible.

I'm writing it because I wanted to write something where none of us has to die.

Because in the moment he took my sight, the Lovers showed me so many things.

And He showed me how this ends.

And we're not all going to make it.

I'll get the actual transcript up soon.

Zombie

When I say that the Lovers was my worst nightmare, I'm not exaggerating.

As a  child and teenager, he  was in my head.  When I closed my eyes, I saw his smile.  When I dreamed, I was in his field.  He was my constant companion.  And he wanted out.

Can you imagine that?  Whenever I was asleep, I was with him.  Everything he has wrought upon his victims was wrought upon me.  Every night.  For years.  Others can escape their monster by running.  But mine was there.  Always there.  Pounding on the walls of his cage and smiling, always smiling, always goddamn smiling.

I knew he was trapped, somehow.  I knew it.  The only way he could contact anything was through my head...through my head, somehow. I don't know how.  I don't know why.  What could lock a Major Arcana away like that?  How could it break free?  Why did it need me to do it?

From their most recent post, it looks like one of them is the same.  Fitting he chose the same suit.

I removed him from my head.  I did what the King of Cups and his friends are trying to do.  I unleashed him on you all.

I'm not sorry.

Isn't that the funny thing?  I'm not sorry I unleashed him.  With him in my head, I was in hell.  My life was unbearable.  I stopped sleeping.  I nearly killed myself over and over and over but he wouldn't let me die.  Did you know I spent my teenage years in a mental hospital?  Because I did.  All those tests, all that therapy, and nothing helped.  Nothing ever helped because my nightmare was there, with me.

And when I released him, the first thing the Smiling Man the Lovers did was take my eyes.  He looked in my eyes and I saw so much, so very much.  Too much.  It burned them out of their sockets and I screamed and wept blood in pain and joy with the knowledge that he was out of my head.

So yes, I know it must suck to be you, King of Cups.  I know a part of you would kill your whole family, all your friends, resign the world to yet another unstoppable monster if you thought you could be rid of the terrible thing in your head.

But I'm not telling you.

Because even though I'm not sorry, I know what I did was wrong.  Even though I would do it again in an instant, I know it was unforgivable.  And even though I know the agony you are going through,  I know the agony everyone will go through.

So I'm sorry.  Just to you, I'm sorry.

The answer is still no.

can't

we went in and peter was useless and will was there with a gun.

he asked me why i abandoned him.  he asked me why i didn't warn him or anyone else.  he said he thought they were my friends.  he said he thought we had something.

he kept saying he wanted HIM out of his head, that he kept feeling HIM in his head and wanted HIM out, and that maybe if he killed me, that HE would finally let him alone. that i was the root of the problem.  the source from which HE sprung, and that killing me would stem HIS tide.

tara couldn't shoot him.  maybe airies but not will, not one of her friends.  she hid and i ran.  i ran blindly through the abandoned building.  he didn't even think about going after tara.  tara wasn't the one who left him behind.  tara wasn't the one who abandoned him to the smiling man lovers.

he chased me into a narrow hallway.  he had a pistol.  he wasn't thinking straight, though.  i hid behind a corner and waited.  and waited.

i'm blind.  but i could hear his footfalls.  he was in close quarters.

and i had a shotgun.

i killed him.

i'm not sure i ever loved him.

but i liked him.  i liked him a whole lot.

but i spread WTRainbow all the way across the hall.

i just feel numb.

i don't feel anything right now.

i can't even hate peter.  or be annoyed with tara.

i guess i'm the one who loses her murdercherry this time, eh tara?

i hate you, jeanette.

i hate you so much.

i hate you for bringing us together and leading us.  i hate you for breaking my dumb sister's heart.

i hate you because you made me think maybe i could be human again.

but i'm not.

because i just killed the only person who's ever loved me.

and i'm not even sad.

just empty.

and i realize that right now, i have everything i need.

i have a shotgun and tara's right here.

i have you in check, black queen.  i could checkmate you right now.  your king is in the other room and i know where the shotgun is.

of course.  this is why i'm here.

the white queen's goal is to capture the black queen.  i could take you out of the game right now just with one shell.  the queen of pentacles would never suspect me.  i could just walk up to her and pull the trigger.

it would be the easiest thing ever.

but then i realize that my next thoughts are, "then maybe i can be free"

and then i realize that i can't.  just like they wouldn't have been if they'd actually managed to kill us.

there's no freedom for us.  there's no way out.  we don't have hope, jeanette.

and i hate you.  i hate you so much for making me think even for a second that we did.

tara's safe for now.  i won't kill her.

but she'd better sleep with one eye open.

because that's the price you pay, girl with one eye.

because you cut my little heart out and you made me cry.

A Moment of Lucidity

It's so embarrassing to have to rely on someone else to perform basic tasks of living.  At least I have my Page.  I would hate to rely on a stranger.  To have someone I didn't know, didn't trust, and couldn't see, loose in my private living space.

The nurse came by today to look at my eye sockets.  See how they're healing up.  The glass inside is still foreign to me, the alien pressure still itchy inside my head.  Swords probably knows what I'm talking about.  I wish I didn't need to have them in, but I'd rather the sockets don't collapse.

The burns are healing well.  My parents are looking into donors, but I doubt it will come of anything.  I'm fairly certain even if by some miracle I received intact, working eyes, the Lovers would take them again.  At any rate, it's looking like I'll make as much of a recovery as I can given the circumstances.

It goes without saying, but I really miss being able to see.  The only time I do anymore is in my dreams, where I'm speaking to a one-eyed goth cowgirl in some sort of train station.  I wish I could type these up myself, without relying on my Page (that's Penny-speak for little sister).  I hope she's typing what I want.  She's loyal but she can be, well, a little sister at times.
:P
I hope Swords is alright.  This might sound strange for you to hear, especially you, but I do.  I think we could have been friends in another world, another time.  Now I'm not sure what we are.  I know that antagonizing her keeps my Page safe. In the end that's all that matters.

I'm sorry, Swords Jeanette.  I really am.  This story won't end happily for either of us.  I'm not sure how I know that, but I do.  Just take solace in the fact that it ends worse for me, and live your life as best you can. Smile for once.  Have fun.  Please.  Fate may have dealt you a bad hand but, in the end, the cards aren't foolproof.  Fate's gears won't grind against you if you decide to pull yourself from them for a while.

Speaking of cards:

The Lovers is moving into conflict with The Devil, with The Queen of Swords caught in the middle.  Be careful.

I think I'm backsliding a bit.  Oh well.  It was nice being sane while it lasted.

Hm

You're all under the impression that I am working for one side or another, so I will say this plainly:

I am not on the Lovers' side.

You are all under the impression that I know more than I have said:

This is true.  But not how you think.  Some truths are better if discovered, and she's so close.  I keep hinting, but she needs to realize it on her own.

I am the Queen of Cups.  Virtuous, warm hearted, treacherous, manipulative.

She is the Queen of Swords.  Powerful, intelligent, isolated, depressed.

And the other is the Queen of Pentacles.  Wise, motherly, irresponsible, passive.

I'm not here to threaten.  I'm not in cahoots.  But I am the White Queen.  Just as Swords is the Black Queen. But neither of us had a choice, not really.

He has decided for us.

But what role does the White Queen play?  Does that piece just sit there?  Waiting?

No, my friends.  The goal of the White Queen is simple.

Capture the Black Queen.

I am doomed to fail, however.  Which is, I believe the point.  The game is not entertaining otherwise.  Because, my friends, my dear, dear friends, I have a handicap.

The Lovers claimed one of the Queen of Spades' eyes.

He has claimed both of Hearts'.

Vision Is Distressing

The Fool in conflict
The Lovers pushes forward
Blade Queen in between

The readings do not lie, though.

Watch out.