Chelsea

Has lost computer privileges.

HA

TOTALLY JACKING MY SISTER'S ACCOUNT

THIS IS CHELSEA OR ALICE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.  HELLO INTERNET.

I AM LIKE SUPER DRUNK.

ANYWAY I AM SUPER THANKFUL FOR THIS HOUSEBOAT

AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS

AND I AM THANKFUL THAT EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL DOOMED WE'RE NOT DOOMED RIGHT NOW.

ALSO I AM THANKFUL FOR JEANETTE'S AMAZING RACK

SERIOUSLY IT'S LIKE GOD KNEW SHE WOULD BE THIS TOMBOY GOTH COWBOY AND SAID, "LET THERE BE TITS" AND THEY WERE GOOD.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW

Message

I received an email today.

"Tell us how you did it and we'll stop the pursuit.

The Burning Ace"

Looks like some douchebag is too cool to say "Ace of Wands" like the rest of us.

Like Watching A Baby Bird Try To Fly

Jeanette just said, "I don't care about your Oshawotts."

It was amazingly terrible.

Ceremonials

This music is sonic sex.

If I am listening to this album when I die, then it doesn't matter how violent or bloody the death is.  I'll die happy. I could get my eyes back, have them burned out again, and then get repeatedly skullfucked to death and I would not care as long as this album is playing.

I have voiced this opinion to the others and common consensus is that there's something wrong with me.

Plebeians.

An Urgent Question

Now that all of that puppy and beatle business is out of the way, I have one vital question.  An urgent, desperate inquiry that will shake the foundation of our world and rock us all out of our complacent lives.  A question that will change us all forever, and show the world what we truly are.

This question is:

Why the fuck did no one tell me that Florence + the Machine just put out a new album?

transcript

Girl With One Eye Ringtone heard playing.  Phone is answered.
Jeanette:  "Hey, Tara?"
Myself(Penny):  "No."
J:  "******, good.  We're in Hope.  Where the fuck are you guys?  Tara's on IM but she's not answering."
P:  "She's busy."
J:  "Okay.  Where are you?"
P:  "I don't think you want to come here right now."
J:  "What?  Why not?"
P:  "Your friend is a whore."
J:  "WHAT?"
P:  "She's a strumpet.  A woman of loose moral character."
P:  "She is the slut.  It's her."
J:  "******, what the fuck are you talking about?"
P:  "Exactly."
J:  "Just fucking tell me what's going on."
P:  "Fucking is what's going on.  Specifically, Peter is making a woman out of Tara."
A half minute of silence
P:  "Are you still there?"
J:  "That's bullshit."
P:  "Unfortunately not.  They're in the room next door.  I think they're going to be at it for a while."
J:  "Tara wouldn't..."
P:  "Tara is.  She is right now.  I have good ears.  So you might not want to come by."
J:  "Bullshit I don't.  Where the fuck are you?"
Chelsea:  (background)  "What's going on?"
P:  "You really should tell her."
J:  "Shut the fuck up."
P:  "Hey, look on the bright side.  Now that you know the love of your life loves the cock, maybe you can give my sister a chance."
J:  (on the border of enraged)  "Are you trying to make me punch you when we meet?"
P:  "If punching a blind depressed girl will make you feel better, by all means."
J:  "Okay, what-the-fuck-ever.  We're going to go to a motel or a restaurant or something.  Call us when you want to act like a fucking adult."
P:  "A motel?  Taking me up on my advice?"
The phone is hung up on the other end.


Nothing like a little trolling to make oneself feel better.

Oh jesus they're still at it.